he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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