Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
