I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
