In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
