Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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