My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
