You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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