theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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