I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
