her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
