I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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