I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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