is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
