belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
