I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So vagazzling was a success
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize