I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
FUCK WHALES
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
