what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
