you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
