you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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