Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
