Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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