i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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