i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
