when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
