Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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