Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
