i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize