i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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