You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
