with your own penis?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
