When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
