There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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