so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
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