Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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