Small penises have feelings too.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
