My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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