I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
