I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize