I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
