Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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