it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
