I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you never un-have a 4some
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
