dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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