The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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