Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
