I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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