If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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