Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
