I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
