Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
