Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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