Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Randomize
