Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
