He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
