Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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