i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
