what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
