Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
