I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
