SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize