I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
