You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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