Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
