That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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