I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize