You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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