I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
