wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
