Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize