so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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