i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
