he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize